8 Excellent Ways to Ruin Your Custody Case

Custody decisions are some of the hardest for parents and judges to make.  Most of the time, the parents are able to figure out a custody arrangement that works, if not well, at least “good enough.”  When parents can’t make the decision, they leave the decision in the hands of a judge.  Judges are well-intentioned, but they don’t know you, your children, your lifestyle, or your habits.  What’s more is that that they are all different, each with different opinions and prejudices.  Bottom line:  you do not know what result you will get in front of a judge.

Parents who are forced to let a judge decide where their children live and who raises them would do well to avoid common pitfalls that hurt their chances of winning or retaining custody.

1.  Badmouth your spouse.  
And worse, put it in writing.  Do you think your spouse or his/her friends aren’t checking your facebook page?  Or saving your nasty R-rated text messages and emails?  The digital age provides any number of ways for you to be humiliated in front of the judge.  Hold your tongue, both verbally and digitally.

2.   Make your child decide.
Children have no place in making adult decisions.  Study after study shows nothing but negative effects from forcing children (of any age) to choose between their parents.  Children should only be involved in your custody case as a last resort.

3.  Fight with your cheating spouse’s boyfriend/girlfriend.
We get it.  You hate him/her for ruining your life and your marriage.  What better way to vent your anger than to start sending threatening text messages or picking arguments?  You’re right to be angry, but losing your cool will only make you look bad in front of the judge.  Stay cool.

4.  Fight with your spouse.
Nothing will ruin your custody case better than getting arrested for family violence.  And no, the responding officer is not going to care if “he/she started it.”  Jail sucks, and so does having the threat of criminal prosecution hanging over your head.

5.  Party like a rockstar.
Even if it’s not your visitation weekend, assume your spouse has someone keeping an eye on you, whether it’s a licensed private investigator or just a mutual friend.  If you drink too much, abuse prescription drugs, and then drive yourself home, he/she’s going to find out, and you will have a hard time explaining that to a judge.

6.  Play Hide-the-Baby.
Here’s a fabulous idea:  to avoid letting your spouse have the children, go and check them out of school early and hide them at your mother’s house.  Refuse to answer phone calls from your spouse.  Meanwhile, your children are scared and crying.  Judges love this.

7.  Play Hide-the-Money.
Close the family joint bank account and hide the money.  This way, your spouse will bounce checks at daycare, doctors’ offices, and the grocery store.  Make your spouse beg you for money for your daughter’s field trip to the museum.  Parent-of-the-year.

8.  Be a stalker.
Spend hours parked outside your spouse’s home.  Break into his/her private computer.  Ask all your friends to follow him/her and report back to you.  Your custody case is temporary, but the bridges you burn while it’s ongoing last forever.

The best thing you can do for your children and for your custody case is to be a concerned, mature, and attentive parent.  Make sacrifices at work so you can take your children to school, do homework with them in the evenings, and share in the nighttime responsibilities (dinner, baths, etc.).  Be polite to your children’s teachers, your inlaws, and your spouse.  If your spouse is playing games and acting like teenager, don’t stoop to that level.  It’s tough, but you can do it.